Cleaning Up sets the foundation for everything else. Unless we have dealt with our traumas and pain we will just keep on broadcasting them out into the world. Quite often we pass them on to our children. This must stop.
So what is our vision? No more trauma. Period. Let’s first start with the children. Let this be the very last generation of traumatized children.
We need to spend a completely unreasonable amount of time, money, and energy on our children. This first of all. I was quite serious when I said that preschool and kindergarten teachers must lead the revolution. They are with our children at those incredibly tender years when all those childhood traumas happen.
How exactly we get there I will defer to the teachers of children among us. You know best. But I have some suggestions:
Imagine a world where kids grow up like kids in Beige and Purple did. Free and whole inside. Ready to take on the world. What if we stopped the cycle of trauma right here. What if?
Trauma can now be treated. So many people are suffering needlessly. People balk at the cost of treatment. As if there is anything more important than health. Anyone who wants it should have the trauma treatment of their choice. And it should be free. In particular I find MDMA promising for this kind of work. We should legalize it but only allow certified, non profit organizations to do this work.
We need to teach people the basics of mental hygiene. And in particular we need to teach about trauma and how it is preventable and treatable. We will no longer sit in silence when movies come out promoting dangerously false beliefs about how trauma works. We will work tirelessly to educate the ignorant.
We need to radically change the way we think about housing. We are tribal animals. We are meant to live in connection, not separate. It really does takes a village to raise a child. Let’s make that happen. For real.
Cohousing and Ecovillages are leading the way. In Cohousing we do know the names of all the children. We know that someone will give us a ride to the hospital. Our children are safe to roam and are surrounded by people who know them and love them. This is no longer just an experiment. We know this works. Time to scale it up. Maybe not everyone wants to live in Cohousing — but everyone should have their tribe. And it has to here in the real, physical world. It is astonishing how much we can do with Zoom calls, but in the end we need to actually be there with people. We are stronger together. Time to bring back beautiful, powerful, tribal Purple.
HAI workshops (or something very like it) should be taught to everyone. Especially to our children.
What if we taught kids to love their bodies? The first step is to stop pushing them away from their bodies. Kids naturally love to run, somehow we manage to train them to forget that. What if we instead deepened them into the joy of exercise? Taught them to love pushing their bodies to the limit just for the fun of it. Not because they are going to get a medal or to be better than someone else, but simply because that is what the body longs for. Again, we were literally born to run. And if running is not what a kid wants to do, what about dance? It doesn’t really matter what the exercise is as long as it sparks joy.
Most schools still do not train kids things like yoga and mindfulness. These are such, basic essential skills! What do you do when you have bad anxiety? You need a way to come back to your body. Things like yoga and mindfulness are great for that. Everyone should know them. But maybe everyone doesn’t know it yet? I remember when I learned to stop hiccuping just by using a form of mindfulness my parents were flatly disbelieving when I told them. I had to show them and even then they were astonished. They were living in the story that stopping hiccups just by mind control was impossible. And they really believed that story. We need to change that story, and the best way is to start with our kids. In fact they instinctively already know most of this, we just need to allow it to happen.
And there is one more topic that seems to be a big taboo even still — sex. We need to teach kids (and ourselves!) to really embrace our sexuality. There should not be any shame around masturbation. There should not be any shame around sexual desire awakening in us. We need to learn to talk about our sexual organs without embarrassment. Sex is natural and beautiful. And from that place we need to teach kids how to navigate the incredibly strong feeling that come up. Teach them that sex when done right deepens connection with someone else and to be careful about that. People can get really hurt. I remember how alone I felt when my sex drive kicked in. My sexual desire was so intense I honestly begged God for relief — it was just way too much. It felt like a kind of insanity, and maybe it kind of is. And I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. My drive was so strong I was desperately afraid that it would make me into monster. That I would do almost anything to satisfy it. I needed people (not just men) to talk to about this. But it was such a taboo that I didn’t feel safe. No wonder young men still act out. Is anyone talking to them?
Everyone should have access to nature. Especially children. Camps in nature should be heavily subsidized and free for kids without resources.
Forest bathing should be part of every school curriculum. Every park should have a resident forest guide who leads frequent forest bathing sessions in that park.
Some schools like Waldorf know that it is important to connect kids with nature as much as possible. They have kids grow some of the food they eat. They have regular nature outings. These schools have proven that this approach works. Why don’t all schools adopt them? Cost? To paraphrase Biden, show me your budget and I will show you your values. And it wouldn’t even cost that much. Does this sound like just a nice to have? It is maybe OK for poor kids to not get this because other things like trauma prevention are more important? I used to think so too, but Island Wood on Bainbridge Island changed my mind.
When I first toured Island Wood I thought of all the other causes that could have been funded instead with the money lavished on this project. It seemed almost a bit frivolous that they just set up a school in a forest meadow with all that money. But then I started to understand what an impact this school has on kids. They come from all over Washington state to spend part of a week living at this very nice resort and they learn about nature. But the most important thing is that they are given an opportunity to fall in love with nature. This is such a healing act. It can help with many of our traumas. We once worshipped the Goddess that is our mother earth. We want generations growing up again knowing how much they love the Goddess and how much they are loved by her. So many of us have forgotten. It is time to remember.