While I was writing this section, I had a urinary infection that made it painful to pee. I kept on ignoring and ignoring it for two weeks. Finally it got so painful even I could no longer ignore it so I went into urgent care and got a prescription that cleared me up pretty much in one day. Why did I wait so long? Now with the infection gone I realize how much it was weighing on me. I feel so much better now and have so much more energy! It was blocking me from fully showing up.
I knew what to do, but a very old story was blocking me. Don’t make a fuss! Don’t ask for too much — people who ask for too much are not lovable. These are some of the stories that were blocking me. In this case it took waking up in so much pain that I could not go back to sleep before I took action. That is unfortunately pretty common — we wait until the pain becomes so unbearable that we finally are driven do something different. It doesn’t have to be like that.
Right before my fiftieth birthday I did a HAI weekend workshop that changed everything. I had an aha moment very similar to when I originally made my first sacred vow. This time I committed to loving myself unconditionally and all the way. Truly committed to it. For most of my life I have worked hard at learning to love myself but it is not something you just do once and then are done with it. It is kind of like exercise — something you have to do day after day, month after month, year after year. And there was something about this particular HAI workshop that let me finally, finally commit to loving myself deeply. I was already committed to living a deep, rich, fulfilling life. Now it was time to step into something even deeper. With my 50th birthday I was officially no longer young so I committed to aging as gracefully and beautifully as possible. Every morning I would wake up and lovingly look at my belly and think, maybe a little less food would be best. And food that makes me feel good. And it worked! The extra pounds melted away and stayed off. It felt like I was finally working in partnership with my body rather than starving it. We were working as one now. My body got that I was truly committed to what was best, and started to trust my guidance. It hadn’t trusted me up to then and maybe for good reason.
This is harmony amongst the different parts is what we are aiming for. Once we have made our brave change, we need to welcome this new thing and really make it part of ourselves. This is the principle of Unity. Let’s talk about that next.