Let’s start with Aaron Stark’s story. Please watch it.
Do you see why it has to start here? There are so many, many children that could tell similar stories. This has to stop! These kids need our love and support. But instead just like in Aaron’s story the social worker buys into his mom’s well practiced lies and steps back and does nothing. Making the situation even worse than it was before. It is almost as if children are their parent’s property to do with as they see fit. That is so obviously wrong, and yet I think it is our reality. We, just like that social worker, want to believe the comforting lie that a child is always better off with their mother. But unfortunately quite often that mother was also raised by deeply traumatized parents and so she too is acting out of pain. Not truly wanting to but nevertheless deeply wounding her child. One generation passing its trauma on to the next generation over and over. We need to stop this cycle.
Children need advocates outside their families. Every child should have at least one functioning, heart-based adult who advocates for them. At least one, more would be even better. Childcare workers traditionally have been some of the least respected in our society. Notice how little they get paid (if they get paid at all). We have that exactly backwards. The revolutionary vanguard must include preschool and kindergarten teachers. Any council of power has to have them seated at the table.
There are, of course, many groups doing great work. They just need a lot more attention and backing. For example, Thread in Baltimore is doing amazing work but most people have never heard of them. Most people do not know the amazing changes they are bringing into kid’s lives. The basic idea is that five volunteers are brought together with a 9th grade student who is struggling. The group commits to the process for ten years. The student has to agree to all of this. Then it is up to those five volunteers to support that student in whatever way is needed. Packing lunches, giving rides, providing a shoulder to cry on, whatever it takes to support that kid. For ten years. The stories of success are amazing. And make no mistake this is not just for the kids – the volunteers are getting something incredible from all of this too. It helps to have so many volunteers because that way there is always someone available. The burden never gets too heavy on just one volunteer. Can we just stop for a moment here and appreciate how beautiful this program is? Every child in need should have this. How can we settle for a world that doesn’t provide this?
People struggle their whole lives trying to recover from their traumas. This is so wasteful. We would be so better off preventing the trauma in the first place. But we live in a hurting world. So many people are broken and suffering. So much trauma has already happened. We need to heal these people. It has to start here. So how do we do that? The Hakomi principles guide the way.